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     Quite a few years ago, I was asked the following question. "Do you name your tractors?"  I immediately answered, "He-- (Heck) yes,  doesn't everybody?"   By the response I got from the person that asked the question, I could tell that apparently not everyone does, so I started thinking about my (our) tractors, the fact that they are all named and the reasons for doing so.  Every tractor that "follows me home" and takes up residence in one of our barns is given a name.  Each name reflects something about that tractor such as, perhaps the physical characteristics of the particular tractor, maybe where it came from or perhaps some of the circumstances about its acquisition or maybe something that had to do with its "homecoming".  The naming is not always an immediate thing and it may take months before the appropriate name surfaces but sooner or later, they all get a name.
      To give you an example, many years ago (when I had some extra cash, before I ran out of money) (better make that many, many years ago), I was fond of attending some of the local auctions held on almost every weekend here in the Shenandoah Valley.  On this one Saturday, there was a Laughlin Auction over in Waterlick and as it was a nice day and as I had nothing too pressing that had to be done, I decided to go.  When I got over there, I looked over what was to be auctioned and I saw three or four things that I might be interested in.  A tractor WAS NOT on the list.  Anyway, the auction got underway and I got a few of the things that I wanted but there was still a set of plows that I was interested in which had not come up for bid yet.  Unfortunately, (or perhaps fortunately), before the plows came up, a cute, little, red, Farmall Cub came up for bid.  John Laughlin started it up.  It ran nice and smooth, it had good tires, it didn't smoke and overall, it looked like it had been well taken care of.  The bidding began but there didn't seem to be too much interest in the Cub and the bidding stopped at $975.00.  Now, I knew that this little tractor should bring a lot more than that so....., me being the nice guy that I am....., I decided to help the bidding along.  Anyway I wiggled my left ear, John Laughlin said, "I have $1025.00.  Do I hear $1075.00?  Are ya done?.....  SOLD!  What's your number, Lou?  Sold to number 117"!  And I said, "OH SH-- (SHUCKS)!"  Well, what are you going to do?  Nobody else seemed to want that little tractor, at least not too much. It was kinda cute.  It seemed lonely and it needed a good home.  Then John tried to get the bidding going on a set of disks for the Cub but couldn't get anyone to bid.  He looked at me and said, "Well Lou, you got the tractor, how about giving me a bid on the disks?"  I said, "Fifteen dollars."  He said, "I have fifteen, do I hear twenty?  Are ya done?  Sold to number 117."  And I said, "Hmmm."  I guess I was starting to get into it about that time. 
     Quite a few hours (and items) later, I returned home.  Now, like I said, I hadn't planned on buying anything, at least not anything big, so I did not bring a trailer with me.  All I brought home with me that Saturday afternoon was the things that I could get in the truck.  Before I left, I made arrangements to go back over to Waterlick on Sunday with a trailer to get the bigger items. When I got home, I parked the truck, got out and started walking up to the front door.  About the time I got there, the door opened and "the better half" said, "What did you get at the auction?"  I said, "Well, I bought a nice Marlin .22, an overriding clutch for the 3000 Ford, a set of two bottom plows for the 3000 Ford, (let me digress here.  The 3000 Ford belongs to Jan's father so I can usually "buy something for that tractor" without getting too much resistance.  OK, getting back to the story), a set of disks for a Farmall Cub, and I...... b..."  She cut me off.
 
She said, "We don't have a Farmall Cub."

I said, "Yeah, we do......... I bought you a tractor."

She said, "YOU bought Me a what?"  What made you think that I would want a ******* tractor.  Does it look like I want or need a ******* tractor?  Are you out of your ******* mind?"  
 
    'Bout that time, a strong wind must have come up because the front door apparently slipped from her grip and slammed violently shut.  I remember being thankful at the time, that it was a solid door and didn't have glass anywhere in it.  It amazed me that as hard as the wind had slammed the door, no damage was done to it.  Anyway, I thought to myself, "Well, other than the wind slamming the door shut, that went pretty good...... better than I expected."  Anyway, the next day I borrowed a trailer and went back to Waterlick and got the plows and the Cub and the disks.  I brought them home and quietly put them in the barn.  A few weeks passed and once again, I was allowed back in the house and I was being fed real, warm food and I was even being spoken to fairly nicely.   While I will (and do) eat just about everything, (as can be attested to by observing my "athletic build"), "real food" was a welcome treat.  I can truly testify that a two week diet of "spiced tounge and cold shoulder" leaves a whole lot to be desired.  
     I don't quite know exactly when it was but three or four weeks later, "the bride" and I were down in the barn and the Cub had to be moved.  Somehow, I convinced her that she should climb up on it and after I showed her what to do and how to run it, she took it out of the barn and then ran it up around the house and down to the barn and up around the house and down to the barn and up.......Well, you get the idea.  Once again, "All was well in paradise"....well, at least for the time being.
     Did I learn a lesson from all of this?  Oh, yeah!  After THAT two weeks, I had learned my lesson well.  First, I decided that I would never, ever bring a tractor directly home after acquiring it.  I would give it a "waiting period" of at least ten days until the "proper opportunity" presented itself so that I could snea...... so that I could transport it to one of the barns safely.  Second, I promised myself that I would never, ever buy my wife another tractor. 
     So, in answer to the question, "Do you name your tractors?", I will give an answer similar to the one that appeared in the newspapers back in the 30s when a little girl wrote the editor and asked if there was a Santa Claus.  Yes, Virginia..... I do name my tractors!
     Anyway, although it is not super original, "Little Red", The Waterlick Girl" ("Little Red" for short), the cute, little, red Farmall Cub had found a good home and has lived with us ever since.

                                                                         ( To be continued.)